thejamez

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 10:40 New employee orientation: half way through 3 hours of sales focused and sales driven buzzwords. #
• 11:50 huh, apparently I CAN be in two places at once. Concurrent conference calls suck. Thanks gods for mute. #
• 12:31 @lateharvestzin I agree. Sadly, I think I will have to sit in it again since I missed half of the orientation. #
• 15:19 @woesis CONGRATS! Welcome to the wonderful world of two-wheels! #
• 20:54 @aaronmcohen either you have ghosts or your upstairs neighbors are rearranging.. which is it? #
• 20:56 Early to bed means./ Early to rise for meetings./ The cycle repeats. #
• 05:55 Up early for an all hands meeting conference call. The first of TWO today! Lucky me. #

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i've worked on my dale earnhardt story for a couple hours today. and after only two hours, its about 990 words, i felt like i had just taken the SAT.  i felt like i had taken the SAT for the fifth time and did worse that i had the first i took the SAT.
and i know how this feels because i did take the SAT seven times.
i didnt always do better each time.
ok. so the point was to get a collaborated better score out of those seven times because despite my work ethic, i was a terrible test taker in high school and my mom said if i didn't get scholarships to college i was shit out of luck.
so - maybe theres some connection actually there - but i do tend to knock my head against walls for no reason. but this is flash and its so fun and lovely and usually, i really enjoy the line by line. but i didn't have such a good day. i really spent about 4 hours looking at the story, rewriting, getting this backstory so slightly slid in here, rewriting that there, get rid of that, decide how i want to do dialogue and deliberating over how much i pattern my dialogue with subtle character actions and how that's no longer subtle if i do it EVERY TIME i have dialogue. why cant the dialogue have its own organic birth every time i write a story instead of my stupid habitual things dictating everything for every character. why does my baggage of procrastinating and overeating, my relunctancy to take writing seriously, have to hijack my writing day EVERY week. i hate myself and my writing this sucks i need to stop eating.
i made the mistake of allowing myself total tv time yesterday. i watched snips of "i eat 33,000 calories a day" right after making D microwave  brownies (it was an emeril recipe and i didnt have time to go to the store and get the real ingredients to use with my real mixer and make something more worth overeating than nuked chocolate).
i think my greatest achievement was only eating half a brownie today.
thats because 33,000 calories a day reran this morning.
i decided to take it to the gym, banking on having an epiphany there of what to do with it. i do have epiphanies there, while on the stairclimber. but instead i just read entainment magazine and "little children" which i dont really like, i bought it at the airport thinking it was more literary since jennifer connelly and kate winslet are in the movie that i haven't seen yet, but i'm making myself finish. i opened up a new yorker to a salman rushdie story, hoping to compensate, but i saw it was one of those metaphoric stories about a king from a long time ago and i just couldn't do it.
so not "productive" today.
i'm working on my novel beginning. i promised myself i'd just read through this draft first, but the beginning is bugging me. i've rewritten the beginning about 20 times maybe. and it goes back to the same beginning. drops right in on a phone call. which i can't stand. so i try not to think about it. but then i have to and i hate it. then i think, "oh...she has a dream and the phone call wakes her up from it..." then i have a beginning that has two issues - a dream and a phone call. and we just can't start out like that. so i think my way into it being ok that its a phone call. we'll work with the phone call. no dream, but the call is where there present story begins and that's just that.
i hate this. i googled "novel beginning." i hate the search results. blogs about how someone heard mary higgins clark deals with beginnings. there was no skillful, inspiring, therapist who read my mind and tell me the best beginning i could give my novel.
but mary higgins clark says it doesn't get any easier after book 50 or so.
i've dipped into the wedding favor candy. again. i need gum.
i have 442 pages to read and revise, but some of those pages include ALL CAPS NOTES like, SAYS GOODBYE MOM SAYS SOMETHING NICE. MAYBE COLIN BRINGS IT UP.  then there's all the dialogue in all caps...

Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 08:42 Too many choices today... what to eat, what to do, when to nap... don't know how I'll make it through! #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 09:18 Lots to do today. I wonder how much will actually get done......... #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 09:28 @lateharvestzin wishing I had the resources to make all flights with friends on them come to PDX ;) #
• 10:09 Support, KM, eSupp/km integration team lead... when is there time left for me to "ideate" at my "innovation station"? #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 07:53 One conference call down/ Three more conference calls to go/ Welcome to Tuesdays. #
• 12:49 Hmmm. Open house next door. I may need to investigate during lunch. #
• 13:25 darn. neighbors returned before I could snoop :) #
• 13:25 Time for lunch... hopefully our DVD cases will arrive soon! #
• 15:00 No delivery yet. Past the 11am-2pm window. Now I am annoyed. #
• 15:19 Delivery rescheduled to tomorrow. No DVD cabinets for me today. #
• 07:10 Coffee, you cruel mistress/ Why are you not helping me?/ Must be awake soon. #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 09:24 The 3 Drunken Celts whiskies tasting event will be resurrected this year at Great Western War in Taft, Ca. I may even make the trip down... #
• 17:50 taking an evening to do nothing! #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 08:00 up early on a weekend... more work to do. Then time for teh lazeee. #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 09:55 @DeeDeeJ come on up. If you're good I may even toss in some crepes for you... #
• 10:12 Time to work on cleaning out the garage... Wish me luck. #
• 14:29 round one of garage cleaning and organizing done. Dinner at 23 Hoyt tong #
• 14:31 That should have been: dinner at 23 Hoyt tonight. Celebrating wedding anniversary number 12. #
• 16:12 @lateharvestzin yup, that's the place. They aren't open Sundays, so we had to get a reservation fro tonight :) #
• 16:17 @DeeDeeJ :P damn typos get me all the time. #
• 16:20 Twelve years of marriage/ High school sweethearts still in love./ Celebrate tonight. #
• 17:33 Hoyt Street gimlet and a blood orange Diva at 23 Hoyt snipurl.com/2xk6p #
• 17:57 Oberon 05 Merlot to go with the braised chicken and Alaskan halibut for dinner... snipurl.com/2xkj2 #
• 18:09 Yum! snipurl.com/2xkp5 #
• 18:45 Gewurztraminer cake with lavender cream and blueberry compote... What's left of it at least... snipurl.com/2xl6h #
• 20:01 @celek EXCELLENT! It was at 23 Hoyt in North West Portland Oregon..... awesome! #
• 20:02 @kellypuffs Thanks! #
• 20:10 @elmunadi Thanks mate :) Hope the movie was worth the wait... #
• 20:11 @lateharvestzin Soon, we'll be imbibing in a Moet White Star and strawberry rhubarb pie to match.... but stale milk duds sound good too... #

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Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 07:56 An offsite today/ Will I still be socialized?/ Only time will tell... #
• 16:14 Returned from offsite./ Socialization maintained./ I am still human. #

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i spent my writing day cleaning this week. cleaning and eating. and eating. and then secretly buying an apple fritter - a HUGE apple fritter - and indulging and throwing a quarter of it away. then working it off.
one monday i needed downtime. another one i needed to fix the apartment.i can no longer say i'm over worked. or planning a wedding. or that i just got back from whirlwind travel of brazil, boston, strange illness, funerals.
the enemy of me just seems to perpetuate.
but i did finish the story, and thought about the ending, which i never do with my quick fiction until the second draft. it was in 1st, but i tried to avoid my usual habits. avoided my usual sentence structure. let the voice control the language. unfortunately, i emailed it to 'Lil Group at 1am, as i was dozing off and wanted it out of my hands. i cringe to think of it. ugh.
i also realized yesterday now anxious seeing my ticket replies makes me. god. i can't stand it. i can't spend an hour constructing the perfect email, but when i know all those ccs sees the email, how under confident i am (you now have access...(i think...geez...i don't know...i just started....).
so first week of making myself have a writing life went ok. more sleep deprived than i can handle long term. but ok. at least i like room for improvement.
so i've decided to treat this like work. like a big metadata project.
next week -
1) looking through flash and sorting out what i have, what i'll edit next
2) editing the novel -
a) read through
b) make revision plan
c) maybe outline?
d) revise/edit

Following is a digest of Jason's micro-blog twitterings over the past 24 hours in ascending chronological order:

• 12:15 Slogging through slide decks/ The Devil resides within/ presentation work. #
• 22:18 Next round of sconces/ arrived and installed today./ Room is nearly done. #

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